Friday, March 02, 2007

February 26, 2007

I'm not sure if I will be able to get through this post. Sometimes life can be so shitty - you know, when it gives you those moments that change your life forever. The ring of the doorbell or of the telephone bringing news that you don't want. I've had two such experiences. One when I was younger and a policeman came to the door to tell us that my brother had been killed in a car accident. He had been hitchhiking home for the Christmas holidays. As some of you know, my daughter and I had taken a vacation last week with my mom and dad, and my sister and her family. My daughter and I flew home on Sunday and everyone else was spending some extra time down in Florida. The phone rang Monday morning - it was my dad telling me that my mom had died sometime during the night. Life will never be the same. She was such a special person - so sweet, always making the best of everything. She had such a wonderful smile and always had a happy good morning. I can't believe she is gone and I will never get to hug her, laugh with her, look at her.


All week, I have felt so off balance, so sad. It's hard to listen to people telling me I should be thankful for the week we had together. I don't feel thankful - she didn't want to die. It happened so suddenly - you just feel ripped apart.


Anyway, the tears are coming again. I will post this picture of my mom and dad from last week. I love her so much. I miss her so much.



I can't bring myself to knit on the Bloomin' Feet socks. If I pick something up, I feel like it is something I will need to keep - something to knit my sorrows and memories into - something I will be able to wrap around me for comfort. I had been working on Ariann before the vacation but I'm not sure if that is the wrap around me kind of sweater I need. I do have the yarn for Flyingdales or maybe a shawl. I'm not sure I can handle a swatch - is there anyone with input on the Black Water Abbey yarn. Will the gauge change much after washing?

Everyone who reads this - please hug someone you care about and tell them how much you love them. It really is true that you don't know what tomorrow will bring.

19 comments:

clothesknit said...

I am so sorry for you loss Lisa. Words fail me but know that I have you, your daughter, and father in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen said...

Lisa, I am so very sorry for your loss. All my best to you and your family throughout this difficult time.

Kathy said...

I am so, so sorry, Lisa. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Carole Knits said...

Oh Lisa. I'm so very sorry. I know this pain first hand and it sucks. If I can do ANYthing at all, please let me know.

Angie said...

Lisa, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to go through this. One minute at a time, just one minute at a time. **HUGS**

CrazyFiberLady said...

Lisa, I'm so terribly sorry. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.

Emily said...

Oh, Lisa, I am so so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Teyani said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Such a terrible loss.

LisaK said...

I'm so sorry. That just sucks. Nobody can really understand unless they've been there. Sending hugs to you. I'll remember you in my thoughts and prayers.

KaKi said...

Lisa, I am sorry. My tears have started, my mom is currently in the hospital, it is hard to think of her leaving me. But she has already started mentally. I can't imagine the shock of that call.....just know there are lots of us hurting out here with you.

Kat said...

Lisa, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I wish I was there to hug you and cry with you. I am sorry somehow seems empty. I shall keep you all in my thoughts and prayers - I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but know that I am here for you.

Sandysknitting said...

Oh, Lisa, I am so sorry! I am sending some love to you along with wishes for strength.
I will raise a glass to toast your Wonderful Mom and you today.
xoxo

Frances said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Yarn Collectors Anonymous said...

I am so very, very sorry about the loss of your mom!! I don't think it matters how old we are, or the situation with our parents, whether it be age, disease, etc. There just is NOT a good time to lose a parent!! It just goes against the nature of your heart! It just shouldn't be!!! My heart goes out to you!!

somebunnysloveDOTcom said...

I am so sorry about your mom. I was just in Warren this Saturday to check out Bella YArns and thought I should have sent you a note to meet up somewhere. *HUGS*
=:8

mamacate said...

Lisa, I'm so very sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

I know what you mean about knitting holding the emotions and the experiences. My feeling is just knit. I treasure the things I knit my heartbreaks into, even if they don't make symbolic sense, which many of them don't. Those were the socks you were knitting when it happened, and they always will be. Someday, if you wear them, I bet they'll remind you more of love than of sorrow. That's my experience anyway, but of course your heart knows what's right for you.

Big hugs and healing thoughts.

Carrie K said...

Oh, Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss! {hugs}

Kimberly said...

I'm so sorry, right now I want to hug you!!

beverly said...

Oh, Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers.