Sunday, November 06, 2005

The flow of the fiber as therapy

I knew that was what I needed. The simple act of letting the fiber flow through my fingers as I made yarn. That would be soothing. It had been one of those days and I felt as if I was being pulled in every direction. I admit it - I am the type of person that tries to please everyone. And sometimes, well, it really sucks being that kind of person. Because, inevitably, you can't please everyone and you end up being untrue to yourself. That little word - two letters is all - and yet, it is such a big word. No! There I said it, just not when I needed to. So, by the end of the day, I knew that spinning would be the perfect retreat. And I was right. I have been staring at a small amount of fiber that has been sitting by the wheel for the past week - the end of my first Grafton Fibers batt from Rhinebeck. When that is finished, I shall start a second bobbin with the next batt. 7 months ago I would have laughed at myself saying that spinning would be a way of relaxing. I had just started my lessons back then and would watch with horror as the fiber would be pulled from my fingers as soon as I started treadling. And when I was able to get it on the bobbin, there were these huge lumpy things - yes, that first yarn you ever spin. The yarn that they told you would be hard to reproduce when you got better at spinning - and you laughed, not really believing them. Well, amazing as it seemed back then, spinning has become a natural thing for my fingers to do. My feet treadle and my fingers draft the fibers without my really thinking about it. The fibers just flow and I watch the yarn take shape. It is such a joy to stop and let a small bit twist back on itself, envisioning the next step of plying and thinking about what this fiber will become. And it helps me become calm and less annoyed with myself for not making my voice heard earlier. Yes, the problems will still be there the next day, but maybe I'll be able to deal with them a little bit better. And if I can't, there is always more fiber to spin.

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